Reading this post, i feel US. kids are mush happier than us when their parents divoiced. Why we Chinese can't treat own kids better after they divoiced?

When are we going to see Mommy?
I need to get advice on how to handle something that happens everytime my daughter is with me. Because of custody, I have my daughter every other day and overnight twice a week. Whenever she is with me, she asks "when are we going to go back to mommy's?" With this is always a sadness in her voice.
It is a constant question, and one that I tire from answering. I assure her "We'll see her tonight", or "You'll see Mommy tomorrow" I repeat my answer numerous times during our visits and try distracting her with something else. I don't know if this is a reassurance to her, or is she just at that age where one parent is more of a figure in her life? Am I saying the right things?

here is another post replied the origianl post---I face the same situation with my daughter. Her mother and I have been divorced for quite a while and I have her 4 nights a week and her mother has her 3 nights a week. When she's here she asks about her mother and when she's at her mom's she asks about me. I only know this because my ex and I have great communication and share this information. I can about assure you that the same is happening in your situation.

I handle the situation the same way you do..."you'll see mommy tomorrow". Believe me, I understand the feelings that you're having too. While I know she asks the same questions about me at her mom's, it's still very hard to sit and hear her ask about her mom when she's with me...it feels like she doesn't want to be with me, but that's not it. She wants to be here and she loves me. It's just that when she is with me, she misses her mom and vice versa. It's hard because she can't be with both parents at once.

Do your best to let it roll off your shoulders and not bother you...it's very likely she's doing the same at her mom's.

[ 本帖最后由 冰城来客 于 2009-4-1 11:34 编辑 ].

well, I think you might tell your daughter that
life is just like four seasons, there are spring, summer, autumn and winter, season is alternating just like she might live with father or mother in turn, Things are just as nature as that.
she might like spring because of the balming whether and blossom flower, she might like summer because she can swim and wear beautiful dresses, she might like autumn because there are all different tasty fruits, but she might don't like winter because it is cold, but if she is a smart girl she can still find snow ball to play. the tenor is people need to appreciate the good that is handy right now instead of always looking at the future.
She need to find out the happiness with father or with mother, since life is tough anyway, she might encounter all sorts of difficulties, parants divorces is just one of them, God is setting all the tricks infront of us, good girl need to find the happiness anyway..

Thank you!

But this is not my case, sorry for make you confused.

I read the post in another parents forum,  the blue part is a reply to the orgianl poster.

My feeling came form this reply, i feel lots divoiced father should learn to love their kids, not just leave them with their mom.

i have updated the post.

[ 本帖最后由 冰城来客 于 2009-4-1 11:45 编辑 ].

as the advice which i learnt from the book <between parent and child>, the key point is "do not anwser all the questions", the more you answered, the more kids ask. They suggested to find out the reason of asking those questions, rather than giving anwsers.

According to the question "when are we going to go back to mommy's?", we should try to understand her feeling, and say "you miss your mommy, right?", then she might think "dad knew me..." and will stop tracing with same question..

I think the most important things for a child is, she should understand, life will not change as what she want, but she can adjust herself and always think optimistic.
My daughter had experienced some hard time as well, in her 3rd grade, since I was too much indulged in my career, she had met some study difficulties in school and was punished and treated as an inferior pupil once a while.she was sad at that time, and I changed my focus swiftly after I recognize the problem, she is very cooperate when she requires my help desperately, after the effort of one semester, she had regain her self-respect.
But I tell her, the biggest lesson that we learn is not just the high score in school, it is about how people can be stumbled,  and it will be never too late to fight back by yourself.
She is not studying very hard now, but I observe her status without pushing hard, since the best gift that I can give her, is not monitoring her everyday to ensure a high score, the best gift is I will let her to find out her way and help her whenever she needs me.
therefore, do not blame the situation no matter what it is, just teach her how to be happy and pave her own way.

[ 本帖最后由 nice妈妈 于 2009-4-1 11:59 编辑 ].

You are right!

But i still think many Chinese men are not as responsible as foreiners as a divoiced farther.

Also this situlation make many mon darn't divoice with their husband, even they don't lover each other any more..

引用:

原帖由 冰城来客 于 2009-4-1 11:57 发表
You are right!

But i still think many Chinese men are not as responsible as foreiners as a divoiced farther.

Also this situlation make many mon darn't divoice with their husband, even they don't ...

agreed!.

yes, I have to say, there are deficit of responsiveness for many people, man and woman.that's why we need to develop the independency as much as we can.
but love will be and always be the only reason for a family to exist.
if we cann't change the life, we change ourselves

[ 本帖最后由 nice妈妈 于 2009-4-1 12:11 编辑 ].

if we cann't change the environment, we change ourselves!.

moreover, if we can not rely on others, we rely on ourselves. it is merphy's law, if anything can go wrong, it will.
but if you have prepared for all the worst, it won't come..

引用:

原帖由 nice妈妈 于 2009-4-1 13:44 发表
moreover, if we can not rely on others, we rely on ourselves. it is merphy's law, if anything can go wrong, it will.
but if you have prepared for all the worst, it won't come.

exactly!.

Was it divorce or di v oi ce?

[ 本帖最后由 Emerald 于 2009-4-1 21:31 编辑 ].