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[外语] 英语教学新概念:学以致用 (关于写作及点评 88#---96#)

引用:
原帖由 小虎快跑 于 2010-3-15 08:56 发表 \"\"
Yesterday I went to the school. I met my classmate. They’re all looked happy. And we were all exciting to met each other again. We chated with each other loudly. So our classteacher had a conversatio ...
此短文的的优点在于:条理较清楚,语义较连贯。
可以提高的方面---语言的表达形式:如冠词(go to the school or go to school)、谓语动词的运用(They're all looked happy or they all looked happy)、分词的选用(We were all exciting or we were all excited)、语义的重复(about being quiet and how to be quiet)等

经小组讨论,在尊重原作内容的基础上,修改稿如下:

I went to school yesterday. I met my classmates. They all looked happy. We were all excited to meet each other again. We chatted with each other loudly, so our class teacher had a conversation with us about being quiet in class..

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引用:
原帖由 小虎快跑 于 2010-3-15 08:57 发表 \"\"
I had a trip with my friends last summer. We went to see a Art exhibition.

The sun on that day looked like it wanted the earth to burn. We were so happy to got into the museum. It’s cool and quiet ...
此篇短文的优点在于:信息量大,且句式多样

可提高的方面---选词用语的适用性(drawings or pictures)、句式表达的准确性(not only..., but also...)等

在点评这篇短文时,重点复习了not only..., but also... 的用法:

1. 引用例句:如《新世纪英语》中: He is not only good at sports, but also good at his studies.
《新概念英语2》中:I not only spoke English very carefully, but very clearly as well.
2. 分析例句,并对比作品中的表达---not only..., but also... 连接2个对等的并列成分
什么样的表达是对等?什么样的表达是并列?
......

经小组讨论, 修改后的短文如下:

My friends and I went to an art exhibition last summer. The sun was burning in the sky on that day, but it was cool in the Art Museum.

We were happy to get there to appreciate the pictures. All of them had won the ‘I am a little artist’ national competition. They were not only beautiful, but also full of wonderful imagination. All of us were good at art, but we were greatly amazed by the children’s imagination. When we stood in front of the pictures, we thought that we were just a mushroom.

Ever since that Art exhibition, I have begun to understand that to draw a good picture, one not only needs to paint it well, but also has to put his heart in it.

尊重原作者的表达,留用了"mushroom"一词。小组成员之一有疑问:为何用mushroom? 作者神秘地笑答:此典故源于《小王子》一书。.

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引用:
原帖由 小虎快跑 于 2010-3-15 09:01 发表 \"\"
Lantern Festival

Lantern Festival is a China’s traditional festival. On Lantern Festival, people will try to solve the puzzles on the lantern and eat Tangyuan.

Tangyuan are sweet or salty. Swee ...
此作者的优势:词汇量大,表达思想时有内容。

可以提高的地方:名词的修饰语(not 'China's traditional festival', but 'traditional Chinese festival')、句子的完整性等

在分析此篇短文时,小朋友们复习了名词修饰语的排列顺序,并做了相应的巩固练习。

孩子们读到“芝麻”、“桂花”等词语时,无不惊叹作者的词汇之丰富。

经讨论,修改稿如下:

The Lantern Festival

The Lantern Festival is a traditional Chinese festival. On that day, people will eat Tangyuan and try to solve the puzzles on the lanterns.

Tangyuan can be sweet or salty. Sweet Tangyuan is made from glutinous rice flour with sugar, dry rose, seasame, bean paste or osmanthus. Salty Tangyuan is made from glutinous rice with meat or chicken.

I like to eat Tangyuan and solve puzzles. I will have a happy Lantern Festival tomorrow!.

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引用:
原帖由 小虎快跑 于 2010-3-15 09:02 发表 \"\"
As you ride, remember to be safe.
1. To put on your helmet when you are riding.
2. Don’t ride before the traffic light was red.
3. Don’t turn around to speak when you are riding.
4. To watch out ...
此短文属于条款式的,须言简意赅。
此文基本具备了上述特点。
可提高的地方:句式的对称和统一,一律采用祈使句来表达:即用dos and don'ts

经讨论, 修改稿如下:

As you ride, remember to be safe.
1. Put on your helmet when you are riding.
2. Don’t ride when the traffic light is red.
3. Don’t turn around to speak when you are riding.
4. Watch out for cars when you cross the roads.
5. Don’t read when you are riding.
6. Don’t play games when you are riding..

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引用:
原帖由 小虎快跑 于 2010-3-15 09:02 发表 \"\"
Today some animals in the world are appeared by people. People usually pollute the air so we must not pollute the air. We should not kill them. In this way, some animals maybe will not die.

---By S
此文的作者思维比较活跃,由“动物”的话题而引入对“环境”的思考。

可提高的地方:语义的连贯性,表达的准确性。

此文的主要运用被动语态。

经讨论, 修改稿如下:

Today some animals are endangered by us human beings. The air is polluted and the environment is destroyed. Under such circumstances, the animals might be killed. Actions must be taken to protect our environment and to save the animals..

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引用:
原帖由 小虎快跑 于 2010-3-15 09:03 发表 \"\"
We know the kiwis are only live in New Zealand, but it’s less than before. There just a few kiwis in New Zealand now. We can’t hurt or kill kiwis, but there still a lot of bad men want to kill them. ...
此短文的优点:能结合所读的作品提出观点,语义较连贯
可提高的地方:there be 句型的运用等

经讨论,修改稿如下:

We know that the kiwi lives only in New Zealand. There are just a few kiwis there now. The government says that people can not kill or hurt kiwis. But there are still people who break the government rules and kill kiwis.

Please obey the rules and don’t kill or hurt the kiwis any more, or they will disappear from the world..

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我收到的最新作品

The camel, is a good use to travel in a desert. It lives in a desert. It can carry things. Camels dromedarius can carry things heavier than Camelus bactrianus. It also have a name “camel in the desert.” Because it can live with out water for a long time.

Animals are our friend why we can’t make friends with camel?

---By Mi.

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我收到的最新作品

The camels are very big and heavy. Because there are a lot of fat in their humps. Their fat can keep them warm. Some camels have two humps. The others only have one. We can ride camel, so it was very important animal before. We can let camel send things from one place to the other, and we can eat them.

---By J.

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我收到的最新作品

Long long ago, there was three rabbits. They grew a lot of vegetable in their garden. One day, they went out go for a trip, so a lazy man find their garden and lived in their home. Every day, he ate the vegetable. When the little rabbits came home, the man ran away, but he stole the vegetables everyday. The little rabbits was very angry and they will catch this man. The first and the second rabbit was catched by thr laze man. At last, the third little rabbit help that two little rabbit ran away and catch the laze man. The lazy man was be their gardener.

---By J.

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我收到的最新作品

The Camel

The camel lives only in desert. In the morning, the desert is very hot. People must drink a lot of water. But the camel can’t. It can go without water for a long time. So people usually bring the camel to the desert. There are two kinds of camel in the world. One is from Arabian and the other is from Bactrian. The Arabian camel has one hump. And the Bactrian camel has two humps. Do you know? The camel stores food in his hump. There is a lot of sand in the desert. So the camel’s long eyelashes keep the sand out of the its eyes. Besides the camel’s meat can eat, but I never eat it.

---By W.

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我收到的最新作品

Hello, boys and girls. This is our Shanghai Animal Zoo. There are a lot of animals in it. The monkeys, elephants, lions and so on. You can see our zoo is very big. In our zoo you can photo with tigers, housers. In the end, you can see the interesting performance with monkeys, dogs, and elephants. They are both very lovely. I am looking forward to enjoying yourselves.

---By W.

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我收到的最新作品

Dear my children,

Hello, my children. How are you? You will leave me and go to anywhere. But you must the wolf carefully. And when you will build the house, you must used bricks to build your house. And the wolf was very bad. It wants to eat you. You must careful and careful.

Be careful! My Children.

                                             Your mother
                                                   Xxxx

---By W.

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最新作品

The camel
The camel is a mammal. There are two kinds of camels, one only has one hump another has two. The humps store fat. They are all live in the desert. It has three stomachs. One is store water so it can bear hungry and thirsty for half a month. One is store food, such as hay, grass, leaves and so on. And the other one doesn’t store any thing, it’s only can digest(消化) food.
The camel has many stomachs so it can’t die in hungry.
If somebody is thirsty, he/she can kill the camel and cleave(割开) its stomach. After that, he/she can drink the water in its stomach if he/she is not mind(介意).
The camel’s nostril can open and close by itself. Its with some thick pad(肉垫) on the feet like a cat. People called it “the ship in the desert”.

By S. H.

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Protect kiwi, please!

Kiwi is a lovely popular bird, who only live in New Zealand. Why do New Zealanders like kiwi so much? Here is a story about it. Long long ago, there was a big fire happend in forest. Kiwi suppressed it. In that accident, kiwi lose it’s beautiful feathers. It became nervous and ugly, so it come out at night without feathers, hardly to fly. What a poor bird! So we should try our best to protect kiwi.

By Ma.

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回复 106#好奇心宝宝 的帖子


...This is a hook which has material and feathers tied on to it. ...

...of tearing open the hides of dead animals with ease. Bare heads with few feathers enable them to reach into carcases of dead animals without becoming matted with blood. ...

...farmed in South Africa and Australia, for their meat as much as for their feathers and hides. The nests of Ostriches, Emus and Rheas are simple scrapes on ...

...figures made of rough weave, their big faces improvised from beads, shells and feathers. They seemed strangely modern, suggestively effective as a sculpture by Picasso; they ...

...with his fleshy Habsburg lips. He is magnificently dressed in damask decorated with peacock feathers, and wears the Order of the Golden Fleece. Note also here the works ...

...its name from the fact that the original owner made trimmings for hats from ostrich feathers. Sadly, the hotel has become a base for large groups of tourists....
  
...in , there would have been signs of a scuffle: dead chickens, scattered feathers. The thief was human. Chola was furious. She went to the edge...

... laid them on the embers to cook, they were ready by the time the feathers had singed and were hardly worth even sharing, except with the twins who insisted ...

  
...rear end of the kite flexes in the manner of a soaring bird's tail feathers. Sewing and tying the bridle is a similar exercise to that of the Diamond ...
  
...their distinctive styles of dress and skin painting. Forest Goblins decorate themselves with colourful feathers, often sticking the quills directly into their skin as Goblins feel little pain....

...Goblins wear exotic war paint, carry war axes and are often decorated with colourful feathers. EQUIPMENT: Forest Goblins are armed with a hand weapon --; often a war...

...cursed loudly. What could you expect from a pup with a mere nine peacock feathers in his eagle helmet's crest? "Are you a man or mouse, ....

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