引用:
原帖由 冰城来的男孩子 于 2010-3-28 19:25 发表
Today, my grammy gets sick too. Now both my grandparents are in the hospital. We worry about them very much.
I'd leave the "too" off the first sentence. Each sentence should make sense on it's own and this one doesn't until you read the next sentence.
I'd put a comma after "Now,"
I'd say "I worry about them... " everything else in the paragraph is first person, introducing third person in this sentence makes the reader wonder, "just who is 'we' now?"
Today, my grammy gets sick. Now, both my grandparents are in the hospital.
I worry about them very much..