[外语] 这样的英语作文水平怎样啊？

看到某培训机构的材料，上面有篇小学员（朗文中级班）写的英语写作范文，贴上来大家看看，高手来点评一下水平如何：

Beig a daughter
I am a girl of Grade Four. Just like everybody, I have a lot of problems. One of the biggest problems is being a child. I try to be a child, but no matter how hard I try. My parents never seem to be satisfied. They always say you are not good enough. They say I should be a better child. But how to be a better Child in their mind? First, you should eat healthier food. Second, you should get better grade. Third, you should be more polite. At last, my room should be neater. A lot of things are waiting for me to do.
In a word, it is so difficult to be a child.
我找到了大约五六处错误吧，小孩子能写成这样当然已经很不容易了，但作为宣传材料上的范文，大约是经过老师修改的吧？.

我觉得挺好,学语言是为了表达思想的, 至少这篇文章把孩子的心境表达出来了. 个人认为,目前阶段对小孩子,这就够了.

小时候英语是非题和选择题做多了,是有后遗症的--老要挑错..

为什么从小学作文都要一个条条框框，First Second Third呢？这种连接词是要学的，但不是每篇文章都要用的。

写作文不是这样训练的。

写作应该分部教。描写人物的，描写地点的，写过程，写信，写读书报告等等。

[ 本帖最后由 不二周助 于 2009-6-4 09:33 编辑 ].

看一下现在五年级的本地学生，针对性学习“写故事开头”的段落。

Michael went into the dusty garage, under the dim light, something small was under the web. Was it a human or a ghost? He couldn't tell because he's scared of looking at it. So he went back and found his best friend Mina. Together they stepped into the garage again and because Mina is really brave so she leaned close to the item and found it's a baby! From now on, the life of Michael changed...

觉得这样的故事开头是很吸引人的。.

多谢指教，选择题做得是多了点，毛病养成了，虽然那时候都是这么学的，也应该与时俱进了。
我也说了，孩子写成这样是不错了，然而这是范文，应该是老师修改过的。 那么：
First, you... Second, you... Third, you...和 At last, my room在一起，这老师都不知道让孩子改，误人子弟了吧？
现在的孩子学外语，自己身边的事情都不会表达，这应该跟选择题无关。比如a girl of Grade Four.四年级学生可以说fourth grader，有几个四年级的学生知道呢？有几个四年级的老师会这样告诉学生呢？高中的学生有几个会说I am a high school senior呢？ 大多数都说 I am a senior three student 吧？！.

赞同！现在的大学生好多也是离开第一第二第三就不会写作文了，最后还要用一个Last but not least才罢。.