查看完整版本: 哪位帮忙指点英语小作文

哪位帮忙指点英语小作文

孩子开始试着动笔写小作文了，估计错误连篇，但是我的英语很差，请教各路高手能指点一二，不胜感激[tt2]                          
[size=3][color=Navy]Send A Card[/color][/size]
  [size=2]Tomorrow is my friend Mimi’s birthday. She invited Joe, Kathy,Lilly and I to her party. Joe sent an elephant like card to Mimi. It is pink. It sparkles too. Beautiful and bright. It seemed to say:”Mimi,I will definitely come to your birthday party.”
   Kathy sent a heart like card. It is as beautiful as a rose. It said:”Happy birthday!”
   Lilly sent a card that looks like a piggy. The piggy is cute. It seemed to say:” I am coming to your birthday party!”
   I sent a card with animation pictures to her. In the card there is a big cake picture. My card said:”Mimi, wish happy birthday to you.” I think my card is picturesque. Mimi will surely like it.

                               [color=Navy]Keeping Early Hours[/color]  
   Do you get up early every day? Most people do. If you get up early you can do all the things you want to do. If you are an early bird you can use the morning time to remember lots of knowledge. If you get up late, you will miss this precious morning time. It is a big mistake. So we must KEEP EARLY HOURS![/size]

[[i] 本帖最后由 rei 于 2008-8-22 11:18 编辑 [/i]].

回复 1#rei 的帖子

几年级？写得很好的。特别是第二篇。.

低手偷偷上来学习一下。[em16]

第一句，最好用It's the birthday of my friend Mimi's tomorrow. 因为birthday是事物，一般用of 表达，人一般用~'s表达。
"Beautiful and bright"这句没有主谓，可以写成 It sparkles too, beautiful and bright.或者It is beautiful and bright. 但前一句更好，因为it is 不重复。

第三段I am coming to your birthday party 应该用将来时吧~

第四段第一句"amination"可能是打错了，这个词是：[化]“氨化作用”的意思。[em07]

第二篇写得不错，很有哲理，比我强！[em06] [em06].

回复 2#柠檬宝贝 的帖子

我们小2了，我觉得可以动动笔写点什么。我的要求是无论长短，就像写随笔一样每周写1篇。 最好有人可以指点一下，例如文章中肯定有不地道的中国式英语写法，或者同样想表达一句话怎么写更好，还有语法错误等等。就像语文一样好作文是改出来的，但是偶实在没有这个水平。.

回复 3#LUCK 的帖子

谢谢指点！第四段第一句"amination"是拼写错了，应该是“animation".
第一篇是新概念2Lesson3讲的是一个人因为头痛写明信片把整个假期都搅了，但是孩子说写明信片有什么难的，写了Send A Card。

第二篇是孩子学了新概念2Lesson2讲的是一个人周末要睡到中午才起床，然后就写了一篇Keeping Early Hours 内容其实是孩子的语文老师经常说的话“早起的鸟儿有虫吃”被孩子改了一下，因为孩子说：“早起的虫子不就自找倒霉吗？”

[[i] 本帖最后由 rei 于 2008-8-22 11:20 编辑 [/i]].

[quote]原帖由 [i]LUCK[/i] 于 2008-8-22 10:54 发表 [url=http://ww123.net/baby/redirect.php?goto=findpost&pid=3369968&ptid=4549433][img]http://ww123.net/baby/images/common/back.gif[/img][/url]
低手偷偷上来学习一下。[em16]

第一句，最好用It's the birthday of my friend Mimi's tomorrow. 因为birthday是事物，一般用of 表达，人一般用~'s表达。
"Beautiful and bright"这句没有主谓，可以写成 It spa ... [/quote]
手不低嘛。:lol.

It is pink. It sparkles too. Beautiful and bright. It seemed to say:”Mimi,I will definitely come to your birthday party.”
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It is pink, bright and beautiful. It sparkles too. It seems to say :" Mimi,  I will definitely go to your birthday party.".

If you are an early bird you can use the morning time to remember lots of knowledge. [color=Red]But[/color] If you get up late, you will miss this precious morning time. It is a big mistake.[color=Red]（What a shame!)[/color] So we must KEEP EARLY HOURS
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remember lots of knowledge 说法中式英语。
It is a big mistake.用在这里不恰当。睡懒觉算不上是犯了很大的错误。不过，小朋友很可爱的。;P
可以改成。What a Shame!多可惜啊！

用了so,if,很不错。承上启下的连接词还要多用点, 两个if起头的句子说的内容正好相反，可以加Oppositely，这样读起来比较连贯，不过这个词对小朋友来说太难了。让我想想，可以用But代替。
Anyway, good try!

[[i] 本帖最后由 不二周助 于 2008-8-22 14:22 编辑 [/i]].

Sending Cards to Mimi
  
Tomorrow is my friend Mimi’s birthday.  She invites Joe, Kathy, Lilly and I to her party.  

Joe is sending an elephant like card to Mimi.  It is a pink, beautiful and bright card, it sparkles too.  It seems to say: “Mimi, I will definitely come to your birthday party.”

Kathy is sending a heart shaped card.  It glows as a rose, saying “Happy birthday!”

Lilly is sending a card like a piggy.  The piggy is cute and saying “I am coming!”

I am drawing a card with her picture, and a big cake.  My card says: “Mimi, I wish you have a happy birthday!”  I think my card is unique, and Mimi will surely like it..